If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
please come you make the beer taste better
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
