Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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