If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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