We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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