You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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