i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
