um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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