Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
