You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
