my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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