If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we're making bets on your personal life
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
