So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
