Please, let me fuck your mom
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
