Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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