Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
