don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
