just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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