I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
