No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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