Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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