He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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