Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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