yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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