He is an equal opportunity slut.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
