dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
