areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
