I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
