my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
