i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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