wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
