A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
