in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
