So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
