Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize