I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
