Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
