at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
