He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
