he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
