good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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