No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My feet surprised me
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