She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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