I'm gonna have a badass scar
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
