Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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