I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
