Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
