i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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