I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
