This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to sanitize my soul.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
