he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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