end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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