why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
