The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
