Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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