butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
