and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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