nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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