He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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