She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
