Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
