Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize