I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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