There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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