Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
