3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
