i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
