i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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