The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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