Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
