There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
