i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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