We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
