I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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