Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
