why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
