They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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