i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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