so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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