did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
