its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
