This is not my ceiling
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i now understand why vodka
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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