You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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