You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
