i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
