Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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